So two months on...

I can't believe it has been two months since my last blog. Yes I have been busy but I know there are some people that would really like to know what I have been up too.

Since Novemeber the months have flown by (all two of them) and the school has been getting more and more intense which is great. I have been learning a lot of head knowledge stuff but up until now I don't feel I have changed a great deal. This is not normally the case when you give up a year of your life to pursue God and learn more about him. One thing I have seen in my own life is how much pride,selfishness and self-centredness I have. How I can talk my way out of situations and appear to have everything together when I really don't. I have always been very good at putting on a smile and cracking a joke. One thing I have been praying for this year is noticeable change in my life; to become a man of true humility, true character and one fully given over to pursuing a relationship with the person of Jesus Christ.

It is so easy to get caught up in motives and chasing purpose in and for the kingdom as opposed to chasing the person of Christ. I have a lot of very good friendships but few deep relationships. I could count on one hand (or even half of one hand) the people that really know me. I have always wondered what it means to go deeper in Christ and in relationship with him. Spending more time in the word is key and memorising scripture and reciting it to yourself. It awakens the soul and I want to be feeding myself with this.

I am so hungry for God to literally tear me to pieces so he can shape me and mould me in his image and likeness. I am not my own I have been bought with a price (corinthians 6:20) I want to be fully committed to the things of him and I know in myself I can be lazy, have a tendency to get by or have the ability to say the right things...

God's thoghts are higher than mine and his ways are not my ways. With this truth in mind it is astonishing to know that he desires relationship with us.

Having started Tozer's The Pursuit of God it explains that before man can think a right thought of God there must have been a work of enlightenment done within him. Before we could seek God he must have sought us first! This has been amazing to me and even though I had heard it a thousand times before I guess I never really understood the person of God. I want to develop this more and I know it is not something I will find in 6 months, it will be a continual search, however it is a journey I am excited to undertake no matter what the cost.

In other news Christmas was great and I have a wonderful host family who made me feel so blessed to be a part of their time together. New Year was great as well, so many people and so little time.

I am not one for new year resolutions aside from the purpose to be more focused this year and unrelenting in my search for Him. If it hurts it hurts but his joy will be my strength, nothing can rob me of this.